So, I have good and bad news in the cyberworld of Candy.

The bad: Paypal has suspended my account. Read about it here. Basically, I'm too sexy for paypal donations. Oh paypal, up yours.

The good: The article to be published in an art magazine about See Candy Bleed is now up on their website. It's my artist's statement in its entirety, as well as an unattractive picture of me. Read it here.



Photography by Bill; March 2006.

I’m not sure whether you watched the Superbowl or not- I did, although I fell asleep during part of it. I’m not a big football fan- I remember the ads much, much better. Well, that and the frightening gyrations of Mick Jagger’s pelvis.

One of the more notable ads was Go Daddy’s, featuring a big-bosomed brunette bursting out of her shirt. I know sex sells, but Go Daddy is a web hosting company. Come on. What do large mammaries have anything to do with anything?

Now, here’s the ironic part. Go Daddy doesn’t allow “adult content” on their web pages. A near pornographic ad broadcasted to the world, that’s okay. A little bit of vagina- unacceptable!

How do I know this? Go Daddy is currently my hosting service for all of my websites, even this one and this one. Oops.

See the ad here.



No breasts here.
Photography by Bill; March 2006.

I'm still on the job hunt, and even got all dressed up today to go see about a possible employment opportunity(I doubt they'll call me back). Any way, I snapped a picture of me all gussied up. This is what Candy on the prowl for a normal, everyday job looks like.

And, yes, if you're wondering, I am indeed wearing my mohawk in a french braid.

As I"ve previously blogged, I've started a porn blog and have been worried about being part of this big exploitation problem of sexuality and objectification. Well, I'm not that worried anymore- at least not to the extent that I once was.

Why? Because I've recently recalled and looked up a conversation on a messageboard with a photographer- and the true, obvious meaning of exploitation has been clearly demonstrated to me. Before I continue, I just have to say that all of the photographers that I've had the pleasure of working with have been just great- there's a reason that I keep on doing nude modeling(which, I might add, I've started up again). This guy is definitely the exception to the rule, as far as I've been able to tell.

I'll try to keep from linking to this guy's site. I enjoy his photography, and he has what looks like a wonderful paysite. I applied to be one of his models- although some of them do stuff like bondage, spread shots, and insertions(none of which I do), I certainly don't have a problem with that. I simply checked off what I do and don't do on the modeling form. A couple days later, I had the wonderful chance to briefly converse with him online on a modeling site where I have a portfolio up. There was a thread critiquing another photographer's work.

Him:
if you cant take criticism you shouldn't ask for it.
remarking tha tsomeone looks like "white trash" is not vulgar. if you and the broad who modelled for you wanna continue in the business ... ya might wanna think about toughening up. she looks like white trash. its a fact. i was not being rude, just honest. your photography loosk like a step down from the stuff they sell at the glamour shots booth at the mall. its a fact. get real with yourself and perhaps one day you'll find a way out of your trailer surroundings.
...
honestly ... shooting naked women for a living is difficult and depressing. more often than not these models have suffered past sexual traumas and i get to play the role of counselour for the duration of our shoot. i might have found it fun when i was 18 and horny, but now that ive grown up i dont find enjoyment in exploiting women's sexuality.

Me:
You know, I filled out your form a couple of days ago and was really hoping you'd be willing to shoot me. After reading a couple of choice quotes like the one above, I would never work with you.

Him:
ya know what i find funny. models i reject (you know, i didnt write ya back right?) who then tell me that they're rejecting me.

Me:
I had no idea that you'd rejected me. All I did was apply a couple of days ago. At any rate, looks like your decision not to shoot me works out for the both of us.

Him:
youre an unattractive girl who shouldn't be modelling, of course i rejected you. it amazes me how delusional models can be.

Me:
We all have our own opinions.

It is beyond me how someone can talk about the women he photographs in such a manner. I'd like to thank him for reminding me of the true meaning of exploitation(and general douchebaggery).

Oh, and a picture.



Photography by Bill; March 2006.

I’ve recently discovered that this is one of the blogs that Susie Bright reads. I was merely googling “feminism without clothes” (ah, vanity), when I happened upon this link. Sure, I’m only one of 37, but still...sometimes I feel as if no one reads this, but things continually happen that surprise me.

Like, for example, the mention on Fleshbot. Me? On Fleshbot? And though I did submit SeeCandyBleed to Jane’s Guide, I didn’t really expect them to review it, much less as nicely as they did! I guess I just find it hard to believe that a 20-year-old girl with a rambling nude blog and a menstruation site is actually taken seriously, upon occasion.

But, hey, no complaints here.



Photography by Patrick; January 2006.

So, there’s a new lawsuit being prepared by a men’s activist group being called Roe vs. Wade for men. Basically, a man who didn’t want children slept with a woman who assured him that she was physically unable to get pregnant- and it turns out that she wasn’t, in fact, sterile. She gave birth to a child. The lawsuit here would give the father the opportunity to opt out of child support because he didn’t have any choice in the matter- he didn’t get to choose whether or not he wanted to be a father. A woman can choose whether or not to be a mother (although not in some states anymore), but a man doesn’t get a say. “Shouldn’t things be equal?” seems to be the logic behind this argument.

But things aren’t equal, and until some amazing advances in medical science are made, they can’t and won’t be. The difference between having the option to pay child support and having the option to have an abortion is this: in the former situation, three people are involved-a mother, a father, and a child. In the latter, two people: a man and a pregnant woman. Only the woman can decide what can and can’t happen to her body.

The moment that child is born, things should stop being about the man and woman: they should be about the welfare of the child, and what’s best for it. And, yes, it sucks to be that guy. I’m not saying that he didn’t get the short end of the stick. He did. And I’m not saying that child support should be mandatory for men in every single case- sperm banks and male rape are instances when exceptions can be made.

A last note: “Roe vs. Wade for men” my ass. No man that I know of has ever died from paying child support. How many women have died from illegal abortions?

Ricky's last note: When I told my boyfriend that there was a lawsuit that was being called "Roe vs. Wade for men," he asked if they were taking away the right to a vasectomy. I just thought that was interesting.

Photography by Chip; January 2006.

I thought I'd dedicate an entry to Scarleteen, a sex ed resource for teenagers. I've recently written about the lack of decent sex education in school, and I'm eternally grateful that there are incredibly wonderful, informative sites like Scarleteen out there, making up for the general crap that current day health classes have to offer teenagers. I'm lucky that my biggest crisis in high school that resulted from "sexual activity"-if you could call it that- was the miserable hicky I got a couple of days before prom.

I'd include naked pictures of myself, but since Scarleteen is a site oriented for those under 18, I thought I'd post pictures of myself, clothed, when I was 18. Enjoy.




(Please note the arrow pointing to the hicky)

Photography by various people years ago.

You may or may not remember that I've previously blogged about shooting an image set with Ricky, and not being able to find anyone who wanted to post it on their website. The photoshoot in this case was simply me being cute and taking off a red slip in the sunlight. I never did get it posted on a website, but you can see images from it here from time to time.

Now I'm going through the same thing with another photoset that Ricky and I've shot. The last one was denied because it was simply too plain- I don't think it stood on its own in terms of grabbing your eye. This one...is a whole other story. Even I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Bascially, it's photoshoot that depicts an assault/rape victim waking up the morning after. I'm not sure if I've gone too far with this one- if trying to get it put of sites that traditionally post pornography is insulting and demeaning and incredibly...wrong. I'm really not sure.



Photography by Ricky; January 2006.

You may or may not have noticed(my money's on may not) that I haven't written an entry dedicated to what's happened in South Dakota.

It's not for lack of trying. I haven't lived that long, and I'm not sure how to articulate how I feel about it.

I think the best way to sum up this whole thing would be: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

My generation of American women, I believe, have taken Roe vs. Wade as a given, that abortion would always be legal and safe(not easy to get, maybe, but always legal and safe). We didn't listen to the older feminists- the ones who were running around telling us that this might happen- no, that this would happen. I, an uber-feminist myself, thought it was a case of chicken little screaming about the sky falling. Sure, maybe a couple of restrictions here or there, but nothing too big...

Wrong. I was wrong. We were wrong. We took our right to an abortion for granted, and now...not all of us have that right anymore.

I'm not sure what else to say, except to apologize to my fellow pro-choicers, for not believing them. I'm sorry.

I sometimes think back to the obligatory semester of "health" I was required to take my sophomore year of high school. These thoughts are almost always accompanied by the phrase "what the hell?" I cannot think of a class that was more pointless or mind-numbing, not to mention, on occasion, misinforming. This was a health class that was taught at a public high school in a liberal area- there were no bible-thumping zealots keeping us from learning about evolution or the like.

I've redesigned my high school's health curriculum to contain information that I actually could have used, or, at the very least, found interesting.

1. Show us the difference between a circumcised penis and an uncircumsized one. Just a simple diagram labeled "foreskin" and "no foreskin" will do. I don't want to have to search online for penises because I don't know what the differences look like.

2. Stop it with the misinformation and scare tactics. Showing us a video entitled "The Miracle of Life" where a woman gives birth on camera isn't celebrating the "miracle of life" and you know it. You showed it to us to keep us from having sex(do you want this to happen to your vagina, girls?). It just pushed us towards oral and anal. And the video where the girl tells us that you can get pregnant any time of the month? We all knew that wasn't the case.

3. Do tell us the truth. Portray childbirth in a realistic but not frightening and negative manner. Tell us how ovulation works and that, yes, women can only get pregnant at certain times in their cycle, but that these cycles, especially a teenager's, can be extremely erratic and hard to predict.

4. The "abstinence only" lady was pointless. We were all sad that she lost her ability to have children due to a sexually transmitted disease, even though she used condoms every time. However, that could have been avoided if she had had regular STD screenings and had been seeing a gynecologist on a regular basis. No, I'm not saying it was her fault- but when you become an educator who talks to kids, it's your responsibility to give them all the facts.

5. Tell us about rape. We watched one stupid video on it. We were given no resources about how to deal with, or how to report it. We weren't told how frequently it happens. There's a very good chance that someone in that class had already been molested or raped, and I'm pretty damn sure that idiotic video was a slap in the face to what they had had to deal with.

6. Discuss the iffy topics. Don't avoid abortion or homosexuality or transgender/transsexuality or religion or whatever. I'm not saying have a debate, I'm saying, at the very least, give these kids some information on the subjects that isn't horribly biased or secondhand.

7. For the love of god, tell us about yeast infections!

8. Discuss pads, tampons, and alternative menstruation products. I don't care if the guys get bored- it's something that needs to be done.

9. While you're at it, why not teach us CPR and general first aid? Now that would be useful.

Here's a photo of me disgusted by my red slip.



Photography by Ricky; January 2006.

So, I've started a new blog, Candy's Porn Picks. The purpose behind this blog is twofold: one is to spread the word about decent porn and promote it in ways other than labeling the actors as "cum guzzling barely legal sluts;" the other is to make a little money for myself through affiliate programs. So, everything is a-ok, correct?

Of course not. Although I'm trying to treat this project with both respect and a sense of humor, how much of what I'm doing is the exploitation I've railed against before? Where do you draw the line? Arg. It's nearly impossible to know.

As for the most recent pictures of myself, you may have noticed that they've all been pretty much the same with regards to photographers, poses, and outfits. So, I've put together a sampling of images that will hopefully refresh your faith in me, including two extremely DIY photos of my new haircut(also a DIY undertaking).





Photography by Ricky; February 2006.




Photography by Emanuel. December, 2005.



Photography and concept by Al. Taken in December, 2005.

My boyfriend won't call himself a feminist. He calls himself an equalist. He doesn't feel comfortable with the term "feminism"-it's too women-centric for his tastes.

I don't care what he calls himself- as long as his ideas aren't in conflict with mine. He's also probably right- "equalism" is a great, all-encompassing term for racial, class, gender, and sexual orientation rights. All are equal- different, true, but equal.

So, why do I insist on calling myself a feminist? Because I like the term, and the rich history that's behind it. Because I like how it sounds. Because I feel powerful when I say that I'm a feminist. Because it's a worthy cause. Because it's what my mom called herself when she was in her twenties- and because it's what she calls herself today.

Plus, I don't want to have to change the name of my blog. Now, I present pictures of a naked feminist, taken by her equalist boyfriend.

Photography by Ricky; January 2006.

So, I've got to start looking for jobs. Even though I'm about to start modeling again, I don't delude myself- there's no way in hell that I'd ever make enough from modeling alone to support myself. So, it's off to job hunting.

I know I have lots of skills that are valuable- I understand visual composition, I know how to write well and edit, I'm pretty creative, and I know basic html. However, I don't know any way to tell people about these things besides directing them here and to SeeCandyBleed, and I'm trying to get hired, not blacklisted for all eternity.

I asked Ricky for some advice. His first idea was phone sex hotline operator. I suppose it's a good idea in theory, but I don't think it's anything I could do. His next idea was working in a sex toy store- which is definitely something I could pull off. So, I'm going to ask around and see if any are hiring.

Oh, and your dose of feminism: South Dakota has criminalized abortion. Go here to see what you can do to help.





Photography by Chip; January 2006.

I have to apologize for the lack of updates- I've been a little under the weather lately- and with all the bad, bad, terrible, horrific things going on, who can really blame me?

But anyway, I've decided to start shooting again in the next couple of weeks or so. If any photographers read this, I would like to say that they should feel free to contact me if they are in or will be in the DC area- at the time I'm not looking to do a whole lot of TFP/CD shoots, but my rates are extremely reasonable- email me for details and inquiries.

Obligatory naked photo:




Photography by Ricky, January 2006.