The word “feminist” carries a lot of negative connotations.  A lot of people associate it with lesbianism (and not the “hot” kind found in pornography produced by and for men), unshaven armpits, and anger.  It’s also associated with ugly.

I worry that, by labeling myself a feminist in such a public manner, I’m hurting my marketability as a model- who wants to work with a feminist?  Even if you look at my extensive portfolio, and read positive testimonials of photographers who have worked with me before, it’s probably impossible to get rid of the residual “ew” that some people connect with feminism.

When I first started this blog, I thought I was helping to break down stereotypes.  While I like to think that I show a view of a feminist that’s different from what most people think of when they hear the word, I’ve also helped to uphold others- this blog does very little to promote a wide spectrum of feminist views and opinions, not to mention different feminists themselves.

This isn’t necessarily wrong or bad; Feminism Without Clothes is a personal, one-woman blog.  I’m under no obligation to present anyone’s viewpoint other than my own.

I’m not the exception to the rule, nor am I representitive of a new brand of feminism.  I just am.  There is no rule, and there is no one new brand.

 

Photography by Vincent Smith, October 2006.

In three months, I will be doing something the likes of which I have never done before.

I’m going to be moving from the Washington, DC area.

I will be going to Seattle.

The idea of moving is so huge- and has always been inconcievable for my entire adult life.  I’ve lived a long time with the mindset, “You’re too sick to do that” regarding a good deal of things.

Realizing that, no, I’m not too sick to do that is scary.  Deciding that, not only am I well enough to do that, I’m going to do it, is petrifying.

I really don’t have anything more to write about regarding it, except that I’m feeling overwhelmed, and nervous, and, of course, scared out of my mind.

I have never done anything like this before.

Happy 2007, everyone.

 

Photography by toan thai photography, taken in November, 2006.  

My friend and housemate Marisa sent me these link with a sentence starting “you may already know about this book…”

I did already know, but thank you for reminding me.

From an article about photographer Frank Cordelle and the Century Project:

The gist of his project, he explains, is to document women of all ages as they truly are, from an infant at the moment of birth through a centenarian in her last years. While that may not sound so controversial, there’s a reason Cordelle’s work shows at nudist resorts and colleges instead of museums, and why he had such a hell of a time getting his book published. His photos, although profoundly moving to some viewers, come as a shock to many, particularly when viewed out of context. Nude depictions of children and seniors are by nature taboo in a culture rooted in Puritanism. And most, although not all, of his subjects bear physical or mental scars, or struggle with their body image. Some are obese, anorexic, or bulimic. Some have been raped or abused. Some are afflicted with disease, while others have inflicted pain upon themselves.

The Century Project- the book- can be purchased here. 

Photography by Vincent Smith, taken in October, 2006.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Marisa! Remember, 30 is the new 20!

Welcome to the new and improved Feminism Without Clothes!  I’m finally hosting my own blog again, and enjoying the sexiness that is wordpress.  The URL for this blog is http://candyposes.com/blog (although other candyposes.com pages will now redirect to it), so if you’re going to link to me, that’s the one to use.

 

 

 

Photograph by Martini, October 2006.    

I know most of the time I like being a model. But sometimes, I just feel so bad about what I do. “Don’t you have anything better to do with your life? Something where you use your brain and not your tits? Something where you actually help people?”

I write about how what I do isn’t personally my art, and how I’m not empowered by it- and they absolutely refuse to believe it. They say that I’m wrong, that it is my art, and that I am empowered by it.

And here’s the joke- I’m this feminist in the blogosphere. My blog is getting more and more hits per day- over 800 or so on average, as of today.

Happy holidays.

Photography by toan thai photography, taken in November, 2006.

As promised.

I’ve been debating about whether or not I should write about this incident. I’ve decided to, but leave it intentionally vague.

At a recent shoot, something happened that I wasn’t comfortable with. True, I never specifically said, “I’m uncomfortable with this” before the shoot- but I felt that it was something I should have been told about beforehand. It was iffy territory regarding my personal modeling limits.

My first thought was, “stop the shoot right now! You’re not comfortable with this!”

My second thought was, “well, maybe it’s not so bad.”

My third thought was, “don’t say anything, you’ll be 100 dollars richer after this.”

So, I didn’t say anything. I let the shoot keep going for a while. And then- I stopped it. It was just that point where I could not let myself go on feeling like I was feeling. I was fairly upset afterwards- a little at the photographer, who didn’t tell me exactly what the last set of images was going to consist of exactly- and a lot at me, for not stopping the shoot right away. When it comes down to it, it’s not worth putting yourself through shit like this just for some dough.

But it revealed a part of me that I’m not proud of- a part that puts money before her own comfort level, a part that’s scared to speak up, a part that I’d rather keep hidden from everyone, especially myself.

But I think that I have to write about something like this- this is one of the most effective tools I have for self-expression, even in a polished, limited fashion.

There will be another occasion when something like this happens again, and I hope that, next time around, I will be powerful enough to do what I have to do without hesitation, and without putting myself through needless distress.

Photograph by the marvelous Martini, and featuring the fabulous Isobel Wren. October 2006.

Waking Vixen Audacia Ray, who was kind enough to not only send me fan mail when I was just crawling out into the cyberworld of getting naked but meet me for sandwiches in NYC as well, is the executive editor of $pread Magazine. From their mission statement:

$pread is a quarterly, glossy magazine by and for sex workers and those who support their rights. The magazine has a focus on personal experiences and political insights, and contains practical information like news, features, health columns, and resources related to the sex industry. $pread builds community in the sex trade by featuring the honest and diverse perspectives of those who know it best: the women and men who work within this sensationalized, highly stereotyped industry.

However, due to no fault of its own, $pread has fallen upon hard times. Consider visiting $pread’s website and making a donation or buying a subscription.

Photograph by Martini. October 2006.

Photography by Jim Duvall. December, 2006

As promised, two new (and very different) photos of me.

In a blog I frequent, the topic regarding empowerment and the rise of raunch culture was brought up. The question “why are women trying to empower themselves by acting like men?” was asked.

My thoughts: what men are these women hanging out with?

I know for a fact that not all men are horny, sex-crazed frat boys who only see women as objects.

I was lucky enough to be raised by one who isn’t. I’ve dated guys who aren’t. I’m seeing one who isn’t. I live with one who isn’t.

I know for a fact they’re out there- I started out with them in my life, and, as I’ve gotten the chance to choose the people in my life, I’ve picked them myself- and most of the time (but not all of the time), I’ve chosen right.

Instead of worrying about whether or not I’m acting like a man, I’d rather fill my life with both men and women whose actions, thoughts, and love I can only hope to even echo.

More on this subject to come.

Photography by Restrained Photo, September 2006.

P.S. Yes, I know it’s a recycled photo. It’s either that or no photo, or no blog entry at all. I’m on the road. Deal with it. I’ll give you two new photos next entry to make up for it, I promise.

Is it ethical for a photographer to date a model?

In my eyes, it’s morally shaky territory- especially when money changes hands.

Would I, personally, date a photographer? I’m currently in a relationship, so it’s not an issue that’s on the table. But what if I wasn’t involved with someone?

My thoughts on the matter used to be very simple: of course not. It’s a professional relationship. I continued to think this way until I met a couple of photographers that I’d consider dating.

I realized that I wouldn’t be above pursuing a photographer I found attractive. However, the idea of a photographer (especially one that I’m not attracted to) pursuing me is something I find inappropriate.

Is it because the model (usually) is getting paid- making the photographer in a position of power? Is it because nudity tends to be associated with vulnerability? Is it because being female and young tends to be associated with vulnerability?

I’m not sure, but it’s certainly an interesting topic.

Photography by toan thai photography, taken in November, 2006.

P.S. I’m off to NYC for the weekend, where I will be faced with the following dilemma: what in god’s name does one wear to a sex blogger tea party?

I was recently reduced to posting to my local Washington, DC craigslist in search of work. I shouldn’t be so mean to craigslist- it’s an awesome resource. But, on with the story.

Within one email exchange the following came up:

I’m married and discretion is a must. Weekdays work best for me as I can take time off from work and my wife won’t know.

I couldn’t go on with the shoot. The first was because I’d feel guilty about helping someone do something their partner wouldn’t approve of.

The second was because this shoot wasn’t about art or fun or creating images; it was about someone getting off on photographing me.

But, how much of what I’ve done overlaps into that area- that place where someone gets turned on by photographing me?

I’m not talking about creating images of a sexual nature, or being attracted to the person you’re working with- I’m talking about what happens when I’m fufilling someone’s kink. Is there a real way to tell? And so what if I am- is there really anything wrong with that?

I think the line is fuzzier than it first appears. How many photographers started out taking pictures of their girlfriends? That’s what sparked my interest in modeling, after all- my boyfriends took pictures of me. The vast majority of photographers that I’ve worked with have been straight and male- it’s pretty safe to say that they like naked girls in their beds as well as in their studios.

I’m always telling people, “It’s not like sex. It’s completely different.” But is it really that different to every single person I’ve worked with- and is it always completely different with me?

Is it possible to create sexual images without being sexually intimate on some level? I suppose it depends on your definition of intimate- and what you see as sexual.

Photography by Bryan Davis Ltd, taken in December, 2006.

P.S. The blog is broke. Something went horribly wrong with my ability to upload entries to host them myself; from now until I bother to figure out why that is, this blog will be located at candyposes.blogspot.com.